Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

They were willing to obey any order from their master and did not distinguish between good and evil. That was the weight of being a guardian. Yet, he just criticised his master. This was not something he could say when he was so loyal to him. This was probably why he looked so torn by guilt.

“So?”

I looked at him coldly.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“That’s the truth you have been so curious about, Princess.”

“The truth?”

Tired of this stifling conversation, I bit my lips hard.

“He let me live that day?”

I had chased him away countless times but honestly, I had always wanted to know what secret he was hiding from me. But this was not it.

“So what changed? What does that make the fear I felt that day? The terror? Did the fact that I was in a crisis that day change?”

“Princess.”

“Don’t try to be a good man, Duke. For 13 years, you never approached me. We first met on the 10th day of Habermia, right? That had been a terrible day.”

I would never forget that day for the rest of my life.

“Now don’t pretend you’re some knight and that you care about me. Because it’s pathetic. I know I said this to you the day you treated my neck. You are a cold-hearted person.”

“… I see.”

“You too did this to me.”

I disregarded the distance between us as I growled. But Hernandez did not seem to agree with me.

“If you had been happy now, I would have never needed to appear before you.”

“Are you trying to say that I’m unhappy now?”

“Yes.”

As much as I wanted to retreat, he closed the distance fiercely.

“I, had always wanted to ask.”

As a gust of wind blew, his blue eyes were revealed behind his long white hair. His eyes, which I thought were as blue as a lake, looked at me sorrowfully, sympathetically and pitifully without the usual calmness.

“It had been bugging me all this while how you manage to stay so calm and detached from the situation when you were on the brink of death.”

As his voice gradually heightened, his voice too became tense. His winced before speaking once again with a fiery passion.

“I pitied you. The moment I saw you with that expression, I felt sorry for you and my heart tightened.”

His eyes were burning with discomfort. His descriptions of feelings were funny but it sounded as if he was confessing to a loved one. Love? That man, to me?

That was ridiculous.

I stepped back slowly. I was being suffocated by the scorching heat. The blazing fire was burning his throat. Whatever the man was trying to say, the feelings he could not express could only be considered a nuisance and a burden.

“I cannot understand.”

Though it might not exactly apply to this situation, I had seen countless times how unrequited love could become too overbearing and only made the recipient uncomfortable. It was not the mere fact that it was an unrequited love, it was the burden of carrying emotions that the recipient was unprepared for. I frowned deeply as I hid my heart that was swaying like a boat in the middle of a storm. I hoped for the next tidal wave to pass by quickly.

“Princess.”

I did not reply. I only took another step back.

“Never will I say this in hopes of you forgiving His Highness.”

Determined, he took another step forward.

“I can see that fear is still gripping you and I’m afraid the memories of that day will only leave you a deep hole in your heart. It does not matter to me that you hate me. I only worry about your distress.”

“Are you talking about that day? You can see that my memories of that day will leave a deep hole? You think that’s why I was so detached?”

“Yes.”

He whispered that made him sound perfect for a rainy day.

“Dying, to anyone, is scary.”

A surge of discomfort was arising in me. Stop. Stop it. I did not want to hear what he had to say but his calm and friendly voice barged into my ears forcefully.

“Ha—”

Slowly, I looked up at him.

“That’s funny.”

The heat he emanated, the discomfort I was feeling from that heat made me take another step back. My eyes were shaking. I did not want to admit it but he managed to hit exactly where it hurt even when he was stabbing his dagger blindly in the dark.

Alright, I was still scared to die. I hated the time loops. I was still trapped in the memories of that day. My memories of the countless time loops never faded and constantly bothered me. I could never escape. Did he say hole? Just as he said, I lived with the emptiness that the huge hole in my heart left me.

“How could you say that?”

My throat was burning hot. Why? Why was Hernan worried about me?

“I, cannot understand.”

He could not worry about me. This was not normal. Actually, I did not care very much if he was worried about me. He was afraid I was still trapped by that memory of being sliced by a sword? What could be scarier if I had already died 40 times in front of him?

However, just as I felt like crying, I caught a glimpse of his blurry face. I got annoyed. I got furious.

I became resentful.

Why did the original novel not include me?

If fate had wanted me to leap from my death and step all over my wounds, why could the novel not describe what would happen to me? I knew what would happen in the future because of the novel and I knew I was going to die tomorrow because of the diary. But why could I not know of a future where I was happy? Why? How? Even if hands of salvation were to reach out to me now, I could only doubt and avoid grabbing them.

“I hate you and I hate my brother even more.’

“Princess.”

“You’ll never understand the depth of my resentment. And my feelings will never change.”

Only after I spoke so precisely did I realise that I had spat it out that I hated him for the first time.

How long did it take for me to vent out my hatred?

“Why on earth would you say that and confuse me? What do you even know? Do you know my pain? Are you asking me for forgiveness on his behalf?”

I really did not want to see him. I raised my hands and covered my eyes, All I could hear was sounds.

“No. Nothing but harsh words will leave me.”

“Princess, it’s not like that. I.”

“Don’t come closer!”

I screamed with my eyes covered.

“Stop trying to flatter me with vague words.”

I stared at him through my fingers. I let out a sharp cry.

“You’re not letting me know anything anyway, aren’t you?’

Since the day he finally saved me a year ago, he had been silent. No. Did he say he was gagged? Whatever it was, I was fine. Anything to escape from wavering.

“No, Princess…”

Admit it. I had once dreamed of a world where I knew treated me kindly and wonderfully. Like Hernandez. A handsome, smart and talented man who was also a Duke would fall in love with me and beg for my hand. Where the main characters would have childish fights over me.

I was not sad that I was not the main character in the novel. However, such a sweet and childish dream evaporated in favour of my drive to survive.

“Can’t you just let it be? Whatever you saw.”

That day.

“Whatever I do, please… Just ignore me.”

I slowly raised my head. I met his sad gaze that felt as if it had been on me the whole time. Maybe he would never know. How I died.

“I don’t want to be involved with you.”

His gentle eyes that resembled lakes. I wanted to stop crying like a child.

“I can’t do that.”

“Duke.’

His eyes quickly clouded over with grief amongst other things.

“I met the unhappy you too late.”

What did Hernandez know?

I opened the eyes I had closed to stare at the man puzzled.

As I had said before, I did not remember exactly what happened during the time loops. But those eyes that keep staring at me. He was withholding things I did not know with complicated feelings.

But I wanted the wind blowing to carry his voice towards me.

“Princess. Today I brought irises.”

Though it was fleeting, I had wavered.

The man who saved me while seriously wounding himself wanted to protect me. The Duke could have let me die that day but he did not. Then as if he wanted to keep his promise, he suddenly appeared before me and kept circling around me. With a gaze I had never seen before.

I pursed my lips before smiling wryly like I was being forced to the edge of a cliff.

That only made me more miserable. My life had hit rock bottom. Why was he trying to save me now like some knight?

Emotions would go through stages. I would approach someone as much as they approached me and I would distance myself from someone as much as they distanced from me. Like a mirror. When I did not want to be hurt, I would distance myself if possible so that I could judge.

However, that was not what Hernan was feeling. His heavy emotions were raining down on me like hair and it was scary to face them.

“I can listen to you no longer. I have to go.”

He held onto me and shouted at the same time.

“Princess, hold on.”

“Let go!”

Hernan’s eyes were filled with sorrow.

“Did I give you a hard time?”

Why was he?

A gust of wind blew. With a slap on his cheek, his hair covered his face, tickling his eyes. I lowered my head and bit my lips hard.

“I do not know what you’re talking about. You are my brother’s knight.”

I bit my lip. I mean, what was the use? Realising that it was meaningless now, I spoke.

“I almost died by his hands and since I hate your master, I hate you as well.”

His low and calm voice echoed, penetrating my ears and made me motionless.

“Then you can just use me.

As he held my arm, I turned my head to face him.

“Do you even know what you’re saying now?”

“I do.”

Hernan spoke in a tone I had never heard him speak in before.

“I want to be used for you.”

As if my throat was burning, the tip of my tongue was as bitter as soot.

“Why?”

Hernan gave me flowers. He gave me precious things I had never received in this place before.

“I do not understand. What do you get in return? Nothing.”

“Why do you think so? I’m serious when I say I worry about you.”

An unprovoked realisation seemed to befall me softly like a piece of thread.

“What’s that.”

I struggled to find a hint for his behaviour. I slowly bit my lips before letting them go.

“Is there anyone else like you who is willing to serve under a powerless princess like me?”

T/N:

Sorry this was a little late but seriously what’s hernan’s deal??